Please, let me fuck your mom
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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