everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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