he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I love you. Go after that dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
