"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
