walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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