Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
God, you're like boner-b-gone
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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