I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Less talking, more tequila
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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