Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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