tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
