I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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