matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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