At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
