she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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