What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
