Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
