but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
