Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
