I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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