apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
