I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
