My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
