I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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