Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
