please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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