I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
