i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
