Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
