Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
