yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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