I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
