my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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