im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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