so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need water and some morals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
