As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
