It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my shit smells like andre
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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