so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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