I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
