the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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