If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
