Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
