Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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