Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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