So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
