Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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