Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
