he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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