i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize