why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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