sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
