I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
