Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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