Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
