So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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