I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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