Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
