3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
