this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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