Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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