You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
