i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
