I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
