Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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