You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
