I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
