Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
don't judge my taste in strippers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
