The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
