Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
did i walk over a car last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
