I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
