i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Text me some of your sweat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
