I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
