How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
