WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
