Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
